..Long Smmer days...

Ohmidays! It has been forever!!! I iss my bloggy! Ive been swamped with work and random thoughts of what to do with my life, I rarely even talk on the phone(what i love to do :-().. but hey!!! its been the longest summer ever and I started my sumer with the goal that I am going to stop colecting guys asif they were collector items..but now im here at the end of summer going oout with a different guy every day! We arent doing anything tho..im just going out o dinners and talking to different people...yea life still sucks I havnt yet ffound that "ONE"...and I stay steady listening to this song by Lyfe Jennings called "Will i ever" will i ever fall in love?... Its kinda crazy...but now Im just soo use to being single its crazy..Im scared to even be in a relationship...Bad Bad Bad....sooo would I ever fall in love? or would I be alone forever? ...anyways yea in the beginnig of summer I was on a clean slate..then I had to go see my last year summer boo and yea we hung out and he was real caring and yea he still liked me, and I dont know whats wrong wit me but I just dont know how to like him..his swag is sooo off to me :-( but he is a good person and I would like to like him but its hard and he doesnt jock me like before soooooo yeaaaa... but yea I met this other guy later in the holiday but yea he had a girlfriend and he never told me so I scratched him off asap!! its crazy but after I got cheated on the pain I felt after the relationship really makes it hard for me to let someone cheat on their girlfriend with me, its really sad! but yea....my american bOO who is in school is just off and on>im sincerly tired of him< i DONT think I can be patient with him anymore, i just feel asif he is trying to " get the milk for free with out buying the cow" and yea not too cool...if you really like something or someone wouldnt you wana get them so you dont have to share them with anyone else? idk whats good with the world nowadays...GOSH! but yea I met this other guy and he is like cool from another tribe as me and hmmm it seems asif he likes me but he is trying to play it safe and not throw his feelings out but he is very subtle with his approach...I hate that so im just not even taking him seriously!! and yea there is my ex, ohmiiiii! it seems asif he has me on a freakin leash :-( but yea Im getting better, I droped on him on our last convo because he was talking about having sex with me and telling me to tease him,,i found it very insulting because it sees asif he wants to benefit from mme yet we arnt togetherr..no way joseeee(pronounced hooooeeezzay)...but yea so I got mad and dropped the phone...when Im done wit my blog Im goin to put what i want in life in writing! I cant be fooling around with these niggas anymore I need a man :-)..Im proud of myself no physical activities have been taken place this wholee summer yay( Im beinga good girl)

But yea before I leave you I have to tell you about this story..ok so yea one of my friends had a crush on this dude like two years ago and then they stopped talking because she felt asif he liked another girl and all that! and i think he liked her too or whatever!! but yea yea yea so after two years they meet in my city at a gathering! isnt that crazy!! so yea they talk and all that and she passively introdoces me and my other friend to him but nothing serious! So yea she fronts for him and then later gives in to him...i knew she still liked him but she was fronting but whatever! So the week after I saw him at a picnic and my friend introduces me tohim and he goes "do i know you" and im like maybe..and then he asks if im friends with 'blah" and I say yea...and then we start talking and he is friends with my ex too so we just like joking around and cracking random jokes and basicaly just having a good time...then later that night my friend him and I go out to party and him and my friend having a good time, i even excuse them so thati wont be a pproblem...fun night for them, but after that night my friend gets to complaining how he doesnt reply her texts or how he doesnt call and blahblahblah!! so she basically wants to have him jockin her like he use to but I gess he wasnt "on that" anymore *sad face*..but yea we start talking on facebook and he says that we should be buddies and blahblahblah..very platonic about everything and it was cool with me, i think he is real cool so yea he asked to kick it with me and I said yea and we went out yesterday and it was cool! fun it was asif we have known each other forever he sat on my laps we wwas eating from each others plate and all that!! just like a "gay friend" it was real cool! but everyone thinks its weird! idk...no feelings attached but it was cool!! he is mad cute too..lol!!! anyways yea thats summer so far! im still that single sistah,....God is Love..

Scared of being Loney!!

OMGGGG... i have issues....

I am convinced that it is a personal problem that I cant find a solution to...

I hate loneliness..I mean who doesntr right?!! but mine is to an extreme. I cant settle with one guy because im scared of loneliness..
I could deal with me not being physically close to them for a little period of time but talking to them.. I WANNA talk to them all the time.. I need that attention

I am yearning for the emptiness to be filled up cos i feel im running out of time
I try to be patient and look for other ways to take up the time
I find multiple ways that seem to be working well
if one is unavailable I simply find comfort in another
It brightens my day to be able to be happy at all times
even if it takes two or three people to do it.

When all three dont give me the attention that i yearn for
what is a girl like me to do.
Im left alone with a broken nerve and a state of confusion
train of thoughts gushing down my head on what my next move should be
By this time Im left hurting deep inside.

NOW my head is spinning
I need comfort tonight. who can I talk to if all three dont pick up
I go through my contacts yearning for a word from old friends, ex's, old lovers,someone, anyone
cant find who to talk to
Im fighting, Im kicking, swinging...getting myself worked out
I feel like my time is running out
What is a girl to do.

Im scared of being lonely... I am

Happy June Bloggers!

Oh my gosh! Its been forever guys! But yea I'm back!!! So much has happened its kindof crazy! I dont even know where to start! But first of all Happy June guys!! Thank God we are all still alive to see another month! We shall have many more months to come. AMEN! Yay its June and May is over! I feel May was the roughest month i have ever had in my life, but Im thankful that its all over :-). So yea I told you about "eyecandy" my newest crush, yea I dont understand but I just feel like he is not feeling e the way I want him too. Im not sure maybe he doesnt know how to express his feelings or maybe he is just not that into me. He is really physical but he wont call me or text me... I dont understand which guy that likes a girl who wont want to talk to her every chance he gets? well all in all I havnt spoken to him in about two weeks...doesnt that suck? I feel sad but not hurt..I'll get over him right...he must have just not liked me that much.
Besides that, my ex left me!! like he moved to another continent *tears*....I had been dreading the day he would leave but I guess it had to happen!! I really miss him! he called me as soon as he could..gosh! he has a way of making me feel special when he wants but *sigh* he is in a better country now :-( . I wonder what would happen when we see each other again. I feel like he has me on a freakin leash!! urghh why? he is good for me but not good for me, but hmm we are real good buddies so I guess thats good enough!!

So how bout this is my first summer alone :-( i have no one but my blackberry!! doesnt that suck!!! But thank God I have various jobs to keep my mind off things. Gosh I was going crazy when i was unemployed! but yay!!!..so basically thats all that has been happening with me guys June should bring me so much heart warming :-)...ttyl

BUILDING/ updating your GUY PORTFOLIO!!

Hey BLOGSTARRRZZ

Its me again..GREAT GREEN at your service!!!

So I have come to the realization that there are a lot of girls out there who find it so hard to find a guy... Listen to me...from experience... you have to go out of you "usual circle" go and explore...meet new people....who know people and could introduce you to some people, who in that crowd you could select someone that could end up being the one...

First things first.... tell yourself that you dont want to be an option but a priority!!! very important message!!! beig a priority keeps us ladies feeling confident and boosts our self esteeme. I just started telling myself this every time because I feel i deserve this and this is something I would do for him so it would be nice if he did the same! About a week ago, I stopped talking to my booski because I feel he wasnt making me a priority and its not fair game. As u noticed I sed booski not boyfriend because we were both not ready to be in relationships.. and when I got ready he still refused because he is scared i would break his heart (due to one of my past behaviors)hehe

SEcondly... go out and have fun.... go to parties, clubbing, to bars, house parties, friends houses for little get togethers..just go to a place were you could meet new people.
my booski and I stopped talking because i felt it wasnt fair game! I wrote him a letter and hoped if he wanted me bk he would call and beg. He really isnt that kind of guy but still I wanted that treatment to feel like THAT GIRL but nope he called me and couldnt talk about it..so I cut him off. The following weekend, I went to a PARTYYY!!! were I was determined to have a blast.. It was a house party but still my portfolio was on empty.. HAd to go refill it ASAP. so followed #2. went out and had a blast.. met me new friends and there were a lot of guys there

thirdly... look Hot all the time you go out!!! guys like attractive girls... i dont mean slutty (cos that gives them a sexual image..not so gud.... for now that is...) So I went looking very decent but HOT... didnt have to show ass or tits to look attractive. Got my makeup on point, my heelz on, and a nice outfit and I was good to go.. compared to the rest of the girls there... I dont blame the gus for running to me.. cos I had maself looking GOOD... Im just speaking reality!!!hehe

fourthly... When guys approach you be very friendly and fun and if they ask for your number just give it to them..... Its called stocking your GUY PORTFOLIO... do not collect thiers..just give them and let them do the calling... thats making yourself feel like a priority..if they wanna talk ...they call you!!!! Give it to guys that you think look like potential good investments... limit it to 6... no more than 6 and no less than 2. I drank a cup of long Island just to have a lil energy boost.. mennn was I having fun... I wasnt inside partying and rubbing myself on the dudes.. I was outside chilling in a more social setting. being funny, cracking jokes, and of cos flirting.. so at different times I had different guys come up to me.... spit alyrics and then asked for my nos.. some guys got the X cos I wasnt feeling them.. but some of them were able to impress me.. either thier look ( i always looka t thier shoes..it says a lot about a guy) if they looked worth my time and investment... I gave em my nos... I ended up my day with 5 guys... if they called me ..cool...if they didnt thier loss.. I kept all the convos short and sweet... Cant tellem everything about you...then there is no fun in getting to know you...SO!!! on my way home, I got a text message from three of them checking if i got home safe.... didnt reply.. but acknoledged thier time...the next morning I replied saying thanx and it was ice meeting them. the other two called the next morning. TRUST me... now thats how it should be... you call em first/.. show me you are worth my time ...and we would go from there!!! now I have 5 stocks.... its the getting to know you process... Im keeping it strictl friends...establishing a friendship is very important before anything else.

Just remember there is nothing wrong with filling your portfolio...it doesnt make you a slut..neither does it make you a player... they are not your boyfriends, or boy toys... you are just simply multitasking.... If anything, you are simply .. making friends, having fun, and looking for mr.. right the healthiest way... without being stressed!!! Youre single so getting to know 5 guys at a time is not a problem.. Just make sure you are comfortable and enjoying yourslef at the same time...

Hope i was at ure service!! Try it out.. and lets hear the results or even what you think....

so ma blogstarrrrzz..go out!!! you are single ready to mingle!!!

Full of love...

~GREAT GREEN~

THE new green = THE GREAT GREENNNN!!

hEY BLOGGGGSTTARRZ!!!

This is GREAT GREEN at your service...

So over the few weeks, nothing fun when it came to boys really happened to me....i was basically stuck in school doing ma thing.. u feel me..its my final year... so it aint no joke on the east side...!!!

Anyway I decided to change my swag on my blog!!!
Im coming up with a new style.. YAY!!

so instead of writing all wat I go through on a daily..and how love sucks and boys stink...(LOL)..
I would write things i feel u, my fellow blogstarz, would learn from...and could incorporate in your lifez... I would still give updates of my life but mainly as examples!!..hope u enjoy and love the new GREAT GREEEEEENNNN

love always,

green

:-)

hey bloggie!!! Ive had the longest week ever! Im so happy a brandnew one is about to start! I cant wait to see what its about to offer!! So yea Ive been feeling really good! I told you I have like a new found crush/boo! So yea its real weird and real different! I guess because I havnt been in a relationship in such a long time..ohmigosh! I dont even know how to act or anything! its crazy! or i wonder if it is because I just havnt had that "i like him, he likes me" experience in the loooongest time! like wow is such an amazing feeling when the dude you ACTUALLY like is trying to pursue you...* i feel amazing*. So we have been seeing each other frequently during the week and its cool, we talk occasionally and text all the time!! and yesterday we went to see a movie, and nothing happened and im so happy he didnt try anything silly! even though he wanted to rub on my arm, hold my hand during the movie and at first i felt weird and then I gave in for abit!! lolll! and he definately peeped that, it was real funny...but I loved it! I felt so good and we had good conversation even though Im still holding back because we are still sooo fresh in the game! I dont want to rush anything and I also dont wana take anything to sloowww because I dont know he pace to take..I have two weeks of scholl left *tear* and we are going to be an hour away for the whole summer :-( idk what to expect!!! but yea Im just going with the flow!!!

Anyways later that night, he invited me to his house because they were having a little party ans I gladly came through with my two girls(which he is quite familar with)...my girls are the craziest, they r really aggressive with him that he wonders what would happen if they hate him....lol!! but yea it was cool we drank(me and my girls) and we came through the house...and mind you he told me before he dropped me off after the movies that when i see him I better not act unfamilar..lol! so yea when we finally made it through the house I saw him and my friends hugged him and said whats up and I said "hi and waved" and best believe he was like "oh-kay im acting unfamiliar" but gosh it was alot of people in the house i dont wana be too groupie-ish but idk! i was just shy! seeing him everytime feels like im seeing him for the very first time..lol but yea after awhile i went upstairs and sat in the living room because i was tired, whenever i drink i just want to sleep! so yea my friends made him come sit next to me and yea thats where it kicked off..we both talked and flirted all thru the night!!! I gave him a kiss on the cheek..*blush*...and omg! do you know what i like he knows i have like standards...so he wanted me to see his room and he knew I would feel weird if he came with me so he told me "to go see his room and he would sit on the couch"..lol! twas too cute..lol! but yea we flirted and flirted all the way through the night!! he is real cool but omg!! im such a picky person :-( i dont like the way he dresses!! soooo american and ahhh i dislike much :-( but hmm maybe he is going through alot so i wont knock him for that!! we can transition on that,,...lol!! anyways after the end of the night he wanted me to kiss him on the lips :-( ahhhh i really dont wanna come off in anyway until he makes it official official official so i gave him a quick kiss on the lips no tongue!! it was just like the one i gave him on his cheeks..lmao! im so young at heart but what can I do!! he was shoked though!!, and he didnt want me to leave but i had too...and the funny thing is that there is this other guy kinda admires me and he was at the party so whenever my eyecandy left I was talking to him and i guess it seemed asif we were flirting! idk what my eyecandy thot of that! but hey i was just talking to him nothing serious, even though there was some feelings in our convo( me and the other dude) but yea yea yea had a great night!! got back to the room and my boo called me to say good night! and it was a wrap! I was super tired today and now he wants me to come over his house and kick it in the living room..lol! he knows i dont like the whole "bedrom" idea..but hmm we would see...he thinks im soo much of a good girl..ok i am! but im just taking it slow, if i were his girl i would give him 75% of myself and the other rest is too my husband..lol! 100%..lol!! by guys! love ya!mwah

On Cloud 9

OoooooooooooooOOOOwiiiiii!! You would not believe my weekend guys!! it was sooo greattt!! I want to share it with the world! ALright I had the best weekend ever with my hommies in school!! and yesterday just topped off the weekend! like ohmidaiz! so yea i drank yesterday and i was soo tipsy it was crazy! but my friends were drunk so I kinda had to babysit! It was still cool! so yea I told you about my crush right? yea his name is "eyecandy" so yea eyecandy had a tragedy in his family and he was feeling bad so he didnt really go out until yesterday and I saw him at the party! woohoo! I spotted him strolling because he is a frat boy but I dindt say anything! until his frat brother literally pushed him towards me, ohmigosh it was so embarassing! like I had to walk away..then he finally walked right back into me and he was like blahblahblah and then he asked me for my number, so i definately gave it to him lol! so yea then we parted! he came up and checked on me occasionally because I was drunk but I didnt let him know..i composed myself real good, I was happy for myself....so i was busy babysitting my girlies and through out the night! getting some hollas and comments but i didnt care too much for them! I was just thinking of eyecandy! idk if he was thinking about me the same way though! So yea, after the party me and my drunkies were going to walk home and then I heard someone call out my name and low and behold it was eyecandy and his frat boys, he asked mne if i wanted a ride and i said sure but its me and my girlies and yea yea yea he dropped us at home!! i thought that was totally sweet! like wow!! so yea he later called me at night!! ohmigosh guys I was totally star struck! like im so shy around him and i havnt been in a relationship or liked someone in such awhile that I dont even know how to act! it really sucks :-( but yea we talked until I fell asleep on him...

So today he called me and UUUUUwwwwwwwwiiiii!! we got to know each other better,we played Q&A over the phone..lol!! it was real cute! i didnt want to drop, but I had to work! wow! everythings moving so fast Imn so scared!! Im soo scared of sooo many things...first of all i hope he likes me for me, like i hope his frat bro isnt making him like me because im his frats friend you know, and i asked my girl and she was like "no theres an attraction between us and everyone can see iit" omg! im so scared!. Im also scared of the fact that I havnt been a relationship for awhile I wonder if I would know how to act!* I dont want to chase him away! and yea Im a virgin! im so scared that he might not want to be with me because of that! ohmi! he is such a darling though! like I reallly like him its crazy! i even had a dream about him last night! spooky! and whats so cool about it is that he is so down to earth he knows all about my culture cuz he hangs with people from where i am from! wow!! i dont know tho, we would see we are just getting to know each other and my girlies love him! woohoo!!! I am so on cloud 9 right now!! and wow!! Ive never dated or even spoken to and african american before, wow!!!Ive only listened to them never got interested! i wonder what my mom would do...the funny thing is that he asked me what my mom and dad do if i introduced him to them!! i really dont know!!! well woohoo! thats that for now! would keep you sooo updated!

Sending the Right message to the Wrong person!!

Hey BLOOOOGGGGGerz, Ive been gone for a minute but now Im back with the jump offff!!! usually I have boy drama in my life everyday..but having soooo much work to do at once stops me from noticing the drama.... Anyway to the drama... I get a text message from my last boo..not vaca boo, talking about come visit me..ill make this worth while..the weather is going to be nice during the weekend...he'll show me a good time..he promises...and all that good offers you find hard to say no too even if youre mad. So I was going to but I was low on funds and he said he would go half with me..which i thot was nice of him. but I decided not to go cos i have a lot of work to do before the end of next week. so tell me why.. I get a text from this dude saying..."im home now babe, you could come over now".... WAIIIITTT A MINNNN!!!!! that definately wasnt to me because I made it clear i was not comming...OKayyyy!! crazy init. He is such a NIGGAH,... like that was just wrong. So I definately came to the conclusion that that its totally over with that boy!!... Its different when you assume he is mesig..but with proof and caught red handed....its DEFINATELY over...no chances nothing.... Im sooooo over it...so over it!!! SO sending the wrong person the right message ..was a good thing cos I needed to see that message...to make smart decisions!!!..thank you for that! im not even maddddd.... I do think its fucked..but like i alwas say life goes on!! please people should learn to verify who they are sending it to before clicking the send button!!... I'm off to bed.. and I refuse to be upset. Good Nite~ ~Green~ xx

WoooooHoooo

hey bloggie! If I say nothing happens with me everyday!! im such a liar..anyways yea, so I told you about my crush right! Ohmigosh! you wont believe this. So yea he has a class right before mine every monday wednesday and friday! But I never see him but I just saw him once and we had a little chitchat(initiated by me) because my friend once told me that if you want to talk to a cute guy "i have to be the one to walk up to them" because the cute ones are shy and the not so cute ones are the bold ones..how ironic..If i knew I looked good thats when I would be bold..but I guess its the other way around for the dudes. Anyways yea we had a little chit chat wasnt anything out of the world. Then later that evening i saw him at work and we had a brief chit chat because he was at work. I didnt really care because we are on speaking terms, and its not asif I want him to be my boyfriend, i just want to talk to him tho and I do think he is cute.

So anyways yesterday, I went to his job and I didnt see him so I got my food and sat alone as usual..lol! several of my friends came by sat with me and had a brief chit chat with them and at that moment I realized I had more guy friends then girlfreinds but thats a topic for another day! anyways so yea my crush walked up to me and we had this 2omin long convo...it was sooooo crazy!! because he lives really close to me and his bestfriend is from where I am from so he was asking me if I knew what this means and what that means? I thought that was real cute. We basically had a good convo, I was so shy because at some moments I kept quiet because I was eating, didnt want food to gush outta my mouth! It was basically our first convo...lol!! we also graduate at the same time and all that good stuff...wooohooo!! I love when I get what I anticiate for..theres no better feeling!! anyways woohoo we are friends now!!! and i wish I could how you his pic, but he is cute, dark skinned and all that!! cute!! ..lol anyways apart from that, nothing else has really been happening! So yea just wanted to keep you updated...Im blushing..lol!

!....Real...!

hey bloggie its been so long! trust me Ive missed you so, but school is becoming so overwelming to me!! and it seems like the closer to the end you get the harder it becomes!!! but anyways life hasnt really been as interesting as it usually is, but I never have a dullin moment in my life, something is always happening! It can be irritating but sometimes its great. Anyways news update I have a crush on this guy! he is sooooo cute to me, like oh my!!! he is short tho( really sucks). So yea let me give you the low down: So he works at the caffeteria in school because you know I live in the dorms, so yea he serves me food all the time and all i say is hi and whatever I want, so one day I changed my hair style from braids to weave and he was like you look nice with your hair like this(straight) and I get all defensive and start to ask him what he thought about my braids( i was just jokin with him) and from there on all we say is hi and blahblahblah! So he is in a fraternity and he invites me to one of his evenst one day! and I get super geeked. I went to it and it was nice, I stared him down everytime I got the chance...lol! But yea then the afterparty was in his fraternity house, I came through and then he spotted me out and he was shocked and he was like wow, your in my house im honored blahblahblah, because I never really go out. But I had fun he came to check on me momentarily! so yea Im crushin on him so hard that i am soo shy to even say hi to him! anyways its kindof a lost battle because he has a girlfriend/ex thats in an organization I would like to be apart of so if i even try anything with him, it would probably reduce my chances of ever becomig apart of the organization since she is the president of the organization :-( Life kicks rocks! But I still like looking at him and all that! He is dark skinned and so handsome :-( but im sure I would get over it!


WoW!! Can you imajine? One of my friends ex boyfriends just died!! So horrible and she didnt get to tell him "i love you before he left!! isnt that so horrible! Life really sucks and because of that Im learning to let things go and I try to keep in touch with the people that are very dear to me and I try and get to see any of my friends everytime I get because you seriously cannot predict tommorow, maybe me maybe you! So yea, its scary but things like that happen! I try not to keep grudges as well if Im letting go of a particular friendship, I still care about the person but we just cant be friends! So yea.....I feel so sad about my friends ex, because they were trying to get back together and the crazy thing is that i tease her about him all the time but now...he is in a better place! May his soul rest in perfect peace. And now she feels like she cant love anymore! I sincerly dont know how she is feeling but I know its a horriblfe feeling and I hope God gives her the strength to live through it and let her know that everything happens for a reason. As I am learning to express my feelings in the best way I can to my dear friends and love, live and laugh because life is too short! and you definately cannot predict tomor!...love you all..mwah

hey bloggie! its been awhile!! I have been attempting to write in you! but something always seems to come up! anyways i am goin through a little much. The most important of it all is that my ex" yes I said the "ex word" ohmigosh how i dread to say it, but yea all of a sudden my ex is all over me again, ok its not all of a sudden because we have a connection but we are not acting in it. We or rather I am basically trying to get over him but its the hardest thing in the world. Like how do yiu get over someone thats just there for you whenever you need him? someone that you could run too and would always be there? I dont know!! ive tried so hard but I just always come back to square one. We broke up because I just felt like he didnt appreciate me as much and I also felt like I wasnt being a good girlfriend to him (in the likes of pleasing him in all the ways he desired). But yea, he is going to be away from me for awhile and I am going to miss him dearly! I dont know what to do!! and he wants me to visit him real soon. I am abit hesitant! ohmi daiz! what to do?

and yes Im letting the guys go one by one! I am a little proud of myself! One of my friends that really felt like he was in love with me, just realized that we could never be. And he has accepted it and wants us to be friends, Im so excited about that and relieved, because now I feel like I have soo much off my shoulders because I was trying to let him know in all ways possible that we couldnt be but I wanted to be as nice as possible because I really cherished his friendship. But thank heavens everything is sorted out! We got into a big fight at first before we sorted things out!! But we are both happy now and appreciate each other even more!! Im glad we are on the same page!!!

Yea so my secret which I kinda kissed during my vacation and thought I liked him and all that!! yea him well I guess we are just going to admirer each other from afar and never act on our feelings because amazingly we havnt spoken about the incident that happened between us, while we were drunk! which really sucks but hey! I am nit going to bring it up because I am super shy!! and I know he is shy as well so it just sucks!! I dont really fancy shy guys so he loses mad brownie points for not being the man in th situation and approaching me about what happened!! or youknw what maybe he doesnt feel the way I think he does? who knows?

Ok rememeber the dude that I said use to attend my old school and just out of the blue calls me? yea him! he is such a loser! one day he texts me and wants to start off a fresh slate and I definately give him the opprotunity too and then he promises to call me and I knew he wouldnt and I told him that he wouldnt and he didnt!! it really hurt my feelings because I should have never given him the opportunity to walk back into my life. AHHHH!! boys suck!! and now he hasnt even called or texted me since then! what a loser!!! hmmm on a better note I rememeber tellin you about this guy that fancys me in my school right now, Im letting him go!! yea can I get an "AMen" because I am definately gettin better!!! I read my horoscope today and it said my love life is hopeless so I should just leave it alone for now!! so yes guys!!! I am not sweating a relationship anymore!! I would just wait and see what happens and pray!!!

Well thats a little tit for tat!!! ttyl

What To DO?

hey bloggie!! I've been yearning to write for abit> Anyways this is your "purple" ready to share whats been going on so far. Anyways, Guess what happpend to me...I told you about the whole "cutting down of the dudes I talk to" plan right? yea so as I'm in the process, this guy that I kinda use to talk to a very long time ago, like 2years ago..hollers at me after 2years of not speaking yesterday!! wow!! i was amazed!.. So let me tell you about this guy, he is cute and everything..ok not cute but he has swag and thats cute to me, so yea he was in the previous university I use to attend. So yea, I guess I caught his eye and he wanted to get to know me, he was real sweet and all that good stuff, but he had soo much baggage, I think his ex/girlfriend attended our school at that moment and mind you the reason why he is even in the university he is in is because of her...Since I heard that and I decided to back off him, but he kept tellin me she was an ex and blahblahblah! I entertained him, we didnt get physical but we spent time with each other and walked and talked with each other during the late evenings( I love things like that). So yea, one very night he texted me and told me he didnt want to have anything to do with me and how he wants to stop talkin to me because he is going full time with his ex and blahblahblah! I was like ok, cool! I hadnt caught any full blown feelings for him because I was scared he was just attracted to me physically and not emotionally or mentally..u get my drift?...anyways since then I just cut him off, but then he begged to see me, because I stopped picking up his calls and basically i just stayed out of sight of him, so our paths never met because I felt that he was really rude for texting me that. Anyways I finally gave him the day and time to see me and he explains how his ex girlfrend went through his phone and decided to text me and stuff. I kindof forgave him but i was still skeptical about him because why would his ex have ability to text me all that if they are not together, so I knew something fishy was going on. But I forgave him but kept my distance. Well I decided to leave the school after spending some time there and right before I left I found out that he decided to date one of my friends! No problem because she asked me if I had any feelings for him before she decided to date him, and I told her she was free to talk to him. So after I left they dated and dated and dated!! I had no problem with it, only wondering what he was thinking about trying to talk to me and then going to date my friend! anyways they eventually broke up and he was back to single! i wasnt to worried at that moment again. So low and behold yesterday I get a text and its him. All he could do is apologize and was askking me if we could start all over again and I forgve him and I told him yea...I wonder if I did the right thing? We never really had any ties of being together so I think I made the right choice! :-)

By the way I was sitting down pondering why its so hard to see something good thats right in front of my face!!!! Ive experienced so many difeerent guys and I believe I still havnt seen the one. But comming to think of it, Ive actually had various potentials but I just hapen to be too naive and young to see something good right on top of my nose! doesnt that suck!! I was thinking about this guy that I told you guys before that Im going to only concentrate on and cut all the other guys off, yea I was thinking about him and how he genuily liked me and I just brushed him off all because I felt we didnt have a connection!! :-( but that was back then, now that we talk we have so much to talk about and he is such a gentleman...I never noticed it and mind you we have had so many opportunities to catch up on things! He use to live in the same state as me, we use to go to the same schoola nd he lived right on top of my room!!! like how creepy is that!! and we also went to high school together!! hmmm whats up with that? anyways Im really bad at not getting to know people and I kindof changed my ways and now its stilll bad! because I talk to sooo many guys!! so which do I do..cut them off and not give them a chance, or give them a chance and have so many guys!!! AHHHHH life sucks!!!

Well thats it for now guys!!! Yours truely *Purple*

ALL said and DONE!!!

Hey blog!!! Its been sooooo long! Ive missed you!! Sorry but I was on vacation, and now I'm back and I have a whole lot to tell you!!! I needed a vacation it was well overdue. Green and I decided to take a get away and trust me it was worth it! Anyways, Let me get straight to whats been going on! So yes I met up with my high school crush and it was weird at first, I didnt feel any spark...and that wasnt a problem because trust me I am not trying to force any feelings. But i definately knew there was a connection...There has always been a connection but no need to act on it, cuz unfortunately we are both shy people(which sucks), so we r always waiting for each other to come out first. But yea yea, we hung out with each other and other friends like normal, until this very night!! OMG I was gone, I was drunk and yea twas a night to remmeber..Im real uptight so alcohol kinda lossened me up :-)!! I kinda loved the way it happened!..it happened exactly the way it would in a fairy tale...so I was kind of tired in the club( I was sobering up) so i went to sit down in some secluded place and before I knew it, he was there by my side..I was kind of shocked how he found me and I kept askin him and he kept sayin weird stuff...but yea yea yea...we sat together and I rested my head on his shoulder and before I knew it he kissed me..OH MY GOSH!! I wasnt expecting it!! I was blown for a minute, that I kindof stopped for a minute!! Oh my gosh!! after we did it he was like "this has been long awaiting" since like 9th grade" I thot it was soo sweet and I felt soo good..havnt felt that way in a long time..kissing someone you really and truely care for...felt amazing!! and all he wanted to do was kiss, I kept holding back tho, because I really didnt know what to do...and now that I think about it I should have gone all out!! Opportunity comes once in a lifetime...all I can do is blush blush and blush!!! like wow!! I really shouldnt have kissed him tho because I dont want to start catching feelings!! and he has soo many groupie lover girls..I dont want to be on that band wagon!! gosh Im so torn...and do you know the crazy thing? we have not said anything about that day since that day..was it just a fling or what? a kissing fling to be precise?...but then y did he kiss me? did he have feelings? or am i just taking this too far? hmm I dont know!! but hmm lets wait and see....We finally spoke after like a week!! and he called, because I truely honestly didnt know what to tell him if I was to call..but we spoke and didnt talk about it, we spoke about everything surrounding the trip but not that!! how odd? I gess its going to be our little secret?..

Wow!! another crazy thing happened as well, this dude that swears up and done that he is feeling me, but never acts on it rather go and kick it with my friends! whats up with that? how r you feeling someone but rather kick it with her friends? like its soo crazy!! I'm not feeling him anyway I just hate being lied too, like its just soo silly!! anyways I did stop talkin to him, but then he started complaining that why am i acting weird and stuff, but I just didnt want to have anything to do with him..like I introduced him to one of my friends and they started messing around, and trust me I dont need to be surrounded by characters like that..but anyways he did hook up with my bff during the trip and thats completetly fine with me because hey!! they did like each other at a point in time, but hey dont lie to me, its not necessary!! but yea i dont and havnt spoken to him and I am just fine wwith that...

I spoke to my cousin about the various guys I talk to and stuff like that, and he told me that I should eliminate all of them and stick to one, so I have been thinking hard...and I have the one I want but I dont know if he wants me anymore..I think he does, but nothings assured!! gosh should I just come out and ask him? he calls me "wifey " and things like that but im not too sure, he had the craziest crush on me in high school, but I was too young and naive to realise something good right on the top of my nose..but I just felt like we didnt connect!!! but now I guess we are much older and things have changed!! I really digg him!! dont like him like OMG!! but I see a future with us, because he fufills my criterias for a dude!!! maybe dressing would need a lil work, but apart from that goal oriented, religious and focused!!! but the problem is how am I going to go about this? Questions questions questions? He is single and he did let me know that he was looking for a girl to keep hiim in line...Im soo screwed!! Well I guess I'm just going to pray* and we would see what happens after that!! *super smiley face*.... Well yea thats about it!! I was goin to stick with my kissy face boo(first paragraph) but Im soooo clueless to what he wants? if he even wanats anything you get me?..life sucksss!! answers answers answers!!!!!...

BLAME It on the A-a-a-a-a-Alcohol!!!..

Hey.... was on vacation so I wasnt able to write...sorry!!!

Anyway my vacation was nice. Very relaxing. Then I had to snap back to reality!!! work work work!! SO, I hope everyone had a good Spring Break...

This was Purple's first planned trip.. I have to give it to her... It was fun....!!! BIG UPS!!!lol

Anyway, I have been thinking a lot about vacaboo and I and how this long distance thing is definately not for me. I mean its been 2 and a half months and knowing me, I doubt I would do a year. I dont want to give up on him but it is hard. when I think of the future if this person is capable of spending my life with, I kind of dont see it. Religion is a very big thing to me. I always pictured my family going to church on sundays, hosting fellowships and all that. But if we have different beliefs, who would be my motivator on sundays. I need my back bone to be on the same page as me but I dont see it. I see a religion barrier. But at the same time Im thinking too much. Let me slow my roll.

OKAY I HAVE A CONFESSION!!!!

During my vacation, while intoxicated, I made out with this guy. NO!! not a random but someone I used to talk to like a while back. There was no spark or tension (that i remember). I thnk I passed out in the middle of kissing... thats how wasted I was. it felt kinda wierd the next day when I sobbered up and realised what I did... why? because after I talked to him( a while back), he ended up tryin to talk or talking to my BFF. I dont remember what went down btw them cos I was never into that gist much. I stopped talking to him cos I caught a bigger and better fish (in my eyes at that time) . So i wasnt really bothered about it.. (okay maybe a little at first cos it was kinda wierd). But shit happens and i believe a womans nightmare could be another womans fairytale. Not that he was my nightmare but he could have definately been her fairytale and I wouldnt deprive her of it since she is my BFF.(aint she lucky... how many friends wud think like that...)

Anyway, I felt wierd. SHOULD I BE FEELING THAT WAY ??? thats one question I need an answer to cos I definatley dont know the answer....

Anyway He called me like a few days later but I didnt want to talk about it. As in whatever hapened during vacation stays in the vacation spot. So i kept avoiding the topic. My friends say its bad that i hold it and just let it out BUT NOOOO I dont see the point. I kissed him big deal like we havent kissed before. Its not that big of a deal now is it BLOGVILLE!!!???!!
He is a nice guy and I dont want any awkwardness btw us. PLUS SMALL WORLD he knows vacaboo.... (I smell trouble!!!)..

Thereis a show on VH1 its called Tough Love. it airs on sundays at 10pm eastern time but they repeat alot. Watch IT!!.. it shows the different problems women face and what women do wrong trying to find the right MAN!!.. WATCH IT.. its interesting!!

OKay Im out for now!!!

My moral lesson is no more alcohol cos it makes me do things I might regret
ANd pls pray for me VACABOO must not find out... or back to LONELYDOM..lol

PEACE..

Yours truly,

~GREEN~

SOMEtimes ALL it takes is to HEAR THEM OUT!!!

Okay so in my last post, I wrote about BS and how upset I was with him because he ignored me for reasons untold.
He kept callng me nonstop so I decided to pick up his call and hear what he wanted to say. He wants to talk face to face about the whole situation. Of cos I was with my bitch attitude the whole time, being extra mean to him. (Im a really nice girl) . Anyway I decided to hear him out. U know listen to what he had to say. And I must say he really told me. He gave me a very legit reason as to why he refused to speak with me. To his defence, he said he had to give me time to think about what I wanted and where I was going with my decision. He had a problem with vaca boo. He felt I should not be talking to two people becuase he wouldnt do it. He said its unfair to him and he believes with time I would decide on what I want. He did own up to thinking about me, asking my family about me and recieving my phone calls and messages. I figured vaca boo had to do with it but I didnt think ignoring me made it any better. Anyway After a 2 hour make up session of talking and putting our point accross, I decided to forgive him. Hearing his side of the story definately changed a lot of views on my end. I feel sometimes we just need to hear them out. Lsten to what they have to say without jumpin into conclusions. When they speak and its Bu*SH** , thats when we go into our F**K ni&&a mode. And do what I had originally suggested. Im glad to have my friend back. But please dont get me wrong, what I said in the previous post is all rite. Its just we need to listen to both sides of the story before we come into a conclusion. I hope you understand Be strong always and GIRLS STILL RULE!!! Im ff to bed** GOOD NIGHT** ~GREEN~

GETTING RID OF AINT SHIT BOYz

Hey....

Ive been really busy with school had 2 exams in one week.... had no type of time for blogging...
But guess what IM BACKKKK!!!!

So yea, a lot actually went down this week. where do I start...??!! muscle man wouldn't stop texting me about us having our deep convos...HISS.. I ignored like i said I would.!! yayyy

All this week I have had an episode with ex lovers of mine. Its funny how I could read most guys like a book. Im saying dont they realize we learn from others mistakes... so basically I know what he is up too...

My ohh so sexy BS has ignored me for more than a month now... I basically begged him for us to be friends but nope he wasnt having it. didnt pick up my calls or even reply messages ( a month ago). So I tell myself he aint worth my hassle, pls I cud get anyone I wanted ( not to brag). and YES ladies it was that easy.. I was over him. Didnt call, didnt text, didnt even remember he existed unless someone said sth about him or asked about him. But anyway to cut the story short, this morning I got a text from BS saying Hi hun, hope your okay, hows everything... the first sentence that comes into my mind is FUCKING NIGGA...**witfiles. I get a text message from BS.... ash a long hiss.** I kept the convo short replying with one word. Then Im up at 3am, being bored decides to organize my documents intoking why Im up, what I am doing. and in my mind im like... why do u care now... hmmm this nigga is up to something. So like i did b4 kept it short and simple. then this dude tells me he is going to be in ma city and maybe we could see...

YESs.. I started laffing. I knew it. and once he sed that I said GOOD nite. So the next question is am I going to chill with him when he comes, I thot about it and HELL NO!!!

We ladies need to learn to be strong. Just because he is sexy and hot and I really liked him that doesnt mean I would just forgive him or just let him use me. Please I am way beyond that. What he did is not something worth forgiving. He dead ass play'd me. now he wants to chill. He lost a good friendship and he doesnt even deserve another chance. I dont think he has an explanation for what he did and even if he does I dont want to hear it. This is one guy I spoke to and I never once cheated on him or looked at another guy lustfully. I treated him like he was my boyfriend. I feel he didnt appreciate me, and thats a serious issue if it isnt mutual. But

I LIVE AND I LEARN...

so I have decided even though I need company now because Im bored, my friends boyfriends are around, I would not let my weakness over-power me... I am not going to see him. Im simply going to be very busy and not have time to see him. Thats what he deserves NONE OF MY TIME.. if he really wants to see me he would show it. if not... Dueces!!!

I think I m a strong lady and we ladies dont have to settle for the bullshit some of this guys think they can feed us. We need to start stand tall and take our ground. We deserve better and we definately are not settling for LESS....

I have a vaca coming up so thats something to think about not BS...


GIRLS RULE and boys drool....

singley yours'

~GREEN~

Goddess Of Fierce!

...yes today was the premiere of America's Next Top Model and now I'm the goddess of fierce...lol. Anyways since green has refused to write, I've had alot to vent about, so i decided not to wait for her and just go on writing. Well yea UPDATES: since my last post guess who calls me..yea my ex..its crazy, i think we have this love hate relationship...but nevertheless i do enjoy when he calls and when we have our conversation, because we did start off as friends and i guess that's why it is so hard to just "not talk to him"..you know what he did though..he invited me for a special occasion in his life which would involve me being with his family, i was abit hesitant, but come on' we are friends..and Its only right to be there for your friends when they need you most,right? But yea apart from that life is cool, I feel good and I'm happy!!...THANK GOD!

So yea, yea yea today I was sitting down and wondering does your past have anything to do with where your going?...in the sense that If you've had a bad past like messed around(as a virgin) or slept around(as a non virgin) with alot of guys, should that be a factor for a guy to consider when he wants to date you? well my past isn't really that bad? in fact I think its bad just cause I believe you should be whole and untouched until your marriage day? but hmm in the day and age we live in now, u barely find girls like that, but you can find ladies that are partially in the shape..lol! but yea, I don't know!!! is it a bad thing to be promiscuous? or is it a good thing? Ive seen someone who was not the best of a lady through out her life but now shes a wife..isn't that cool? so when i see that I'm like OK, it's OK to be a Little free?idk..and then i meet guys who mess around and want to get married to a virgin and someone who none of his friends have dated or even tampered with? is that possible?..like ohmigosh! Wat to do?well let me get personal..well I have been with 3 guys officially and the experience has been good and could have been worse...the crazy thing is that I dated these three guys and none them knew each other at that time..but they went to the same elementary school and they got to know each other over time isn't that weird? but yea that's not the point...and as i was saying the in between guys Ive kinda messed with are..2 ohmigosh I thought it was more..but i guess the 2 have been major impacts like i feel bad! and i had sex with none of them..but still i wonder if I meet a guy that is ready to date me all that good stuff would he judge me for my in betweens or would he not even care about my past and just like me for who i am? but yea people would talk, and when they do it affects everything!! and we are only human there is SO much we can tolerate...but guess what if the tables turned and it was the guy that had been with so many girls..its not a problem or a factor to even consider!! isn't that weird? double standard? hmm all these unanswered questions?...HELLLP! help me be a better person for my future man to be..lol!!

*Oh my as I was just typing to you, my lover called, he makes me happy now...and this is very random but he is really cute...sucks tho because i don't think I'm going to see for awhile, but hey i believe something! I believe that if it was meant to be it'll be!!!...lol! the funny thing is that (as i mentioned before) he adored me in high school, but i just didn't give a rats tail about him and now I'm considering! is that because I'm single and just hopeful for anything? idk but i feel something good! like most guys come and go and I don't feel anything but the guys that don't come that often are the ones I feel something for...*life is sooooo awkward* buy lets see what happens yea...I'm just going to go with the flow and keep you posted...so yea as i was saying we talk more often now and i love it and i know he does too because he calls and we have nice long convos..maybe all we needed was to get to know each other..omg! i feel like payton from one tree hill!! and he is lucas..lol! *random* alright back to antm! would talk to you later..

Mending...

Ok wow!! life is sooo complicated!! New month new plans...ok so i was abit sad yesterday while I was writing my previous post and I was heartbroken and just felt all messed up and everything, I felt lied too, and cheated too..anyways when i woke up today guess who called ....yea yea "the ex" like ok..whats this about? he rarely calls you know? but yea he called and when I woke up and saw the call i didnt bother calling back because Im just tired of this forward and backward movement, but yea later in the day he starts to text and I replied because he asked me if I had seen his call..but yea, i replied him and then I dont know what pushes me but I ask him about ever cheating on me during our relationship and he says "no" and all that good stuff...(OH NO I didnt get excited) but i felt a little better, (NO I DONT THINK WE ARE GETTING BACK TOGETHER)..lol! but I just dont feel lied too and all that..I have a very forgiving soul its crazy! if you do me wrong its hard for me to keep it against you..I try too, but I just cant keep a grudge(kinda good kinda bad)..but yea thats that! but you know what I dislike? why does he come in and out? like OMG!! you know what Im planning on doing? Im planning on changing my phone number..because i think that would be the beginning of a new start, Im tired of all this old baggage!! so if i change my number the only people that would be calling me are the people I want, and the others would just have to live without me, and I also want to get off facebook and stay fully focussed on my blog and my blackberry? what do you think? its pretty drastic but yea I'm thinking about dooing that....I need to drop all this baggage!!

So yea, I was wondering today....Im looking for this perfect guy..am I the perfect girl? I really dont't know? Im not perfect but I'm close to it!! Its crazy but its true...whenever Im in a relationship I give it my all!! Im always in it to win it....thats why I really havnt had that many boyfriends because I only want to be with you if it is real..but yea Im still single...y? because, because, because!!! because of sex! :-( so am i really a good girlfriend if I remain to be a virgin? am i really giving him my all? alot of people say no! alot of people say yes...I heard that I dont fully trust my boyfriend if i havnthad sex with him because sex creates this bond! this unexplainable bond and blahblahblah!! but i dont know about all that because alot of people have sex and still dont have this everlasting relationship with their boyfriends..and truthfully! im so scared of just losing my virginity to anyone and then he treats me bad! I would literally kill mysself because I really dont like pain! I cant take it that well and just knowing the one and only thing I posses and decided to give out leaves me in a bad situation would really kill me...so thats why from a young age I just decided to keep it until marriage but wow!! its hard, because sometimes I think I've met mr. right! ok only once I though I met mr. right! but then he ended up leaving me because I refused to have sex..infact it happend twice :-(!! does that mean it wasnt meant to be? im so confused but i really wish I would meet that someone oneday that is really ready togo at my pace..and wait for as long as I'm ready!!(someone I like) because I do meet guys that are willing to wait but Im just not attracted to them..so yea thats a little bit that was on my mind!!! ..off to study ...

Defining my IDEAL MR. RigHT!!!!!

okay after reading what *PURPLE* wrote It got me thinking what is my ideal man.. MY "MR. RIGHT"... If God asked me what are some things you want your man to be cos he is creating that perfect man for you...what would you say??!!

well this is mine......
HE,....
- MUST BE GOD FEARING... a strong believer of GOD!!
-must first and foremost treats his mother with RESPECT!!!!!
- must be honest.... this leads to trust and trust is very essential in a relationship
-must be a good communicator.. must be able to approach me about anything and talk to me about everything
-must have a good sense of humor.. i love to laugh...if he could make me laugh.he is in!!
-is someone that shows the beauty from the inside
- is someone whom loves to share time and dreams.. i love to hear stories
- is someone that is full of life and love the little things in life
. - is Someone who will not only talk to me but listen as well.
-is someone whom is full of passion both for life and me
-is someone whom still believe in fairy tales when it comes to romance
-knows he can be strong when need be and not easy to anger
- can handle his self in a fight and wont get upset when i take off my heels to help
- is someone that accepts people for whom they are not what they have or what they look like -has his own job with his own money and knows how to take care of himself
- is not secretive or selfish. this leads to CHEATING... i hateeee HATTTEEE cheaters
- is Not demanding.
- never forgets my birthday and is generous with gifts. hmm hmm
- doesn't flirt with other women 'n doesn't take me for granted
- He is loyal, faithful and sincere. DOESn'T CHEAT
- has a good taste for fashion
- knows when to comfort...very important
- loves too eat because i do and would later push me to go work out in the gym with him
- knows when to cuddle..very essential
-not one to argue..i hate arguing

Okay I know. I would wait forever to find someone this perfect (eg: like the picture below) .


But you know out of your list you should be able to accept someone with at least more than half of the qualities. Doesn't have to be everything. You can work into fixing him to be your ideal man. Dont settle.. if you cant handle a flaws he has. dont hesitate to push him to the LEFT... and go digging for GOLD!!...
I always judge according to my list if I access him after the 90 day trial and he doesnt fulfill at least half of these requirements. then he aint for me!!!.. I want someone CLOSE to MY MR. PERFECT!!!..

by the way I just had a very *not so good* exam and stayed up all night. so now at 10:55am I am heading to bed.

SEE you again shortly...

x0x0
~GREEN~

.............

Hey!!Im feeling too good today! I dont know why? But Im soo glad! I woke up and went to Church and it was sooo good!!! you know I like boys so I saw alot of boys! not just regular boys but God fearing ones!! soo nice and so good!!! but yes I loved the church and my day!! but besides that my weekend was good alot of weird things occured! but nothing i could not control!!!

Ok I have decided I am not going to complain and be wanting a dude!! Im just going to pray for one and until then I am going to be single and satisfied...OMG did I tell youabout what I heard my ex has been doing? well I guess he has moved on without me *partially sad face* but yea, all in all I think it is over between us infact it is. But the only thing I dont understand is why would you use the word "love" and not act on it? like when you say you "love" someone your not meant to hurt them in anyway possible..but I guess I was lied too once again*teary eyes* but hey "you live and you learn" its just so painful to know that ok my ex is trying to hola at a distant friend or that he is just doing some unnecessary mess..but hey! I guess I'll get over it!!..Im getting there but im taking baby steps...hopefully God will give me the strength to get over him completely!

And on the brighter side I think I need to get rid of all these sidekicks, because maybe they are the reason why I cant move forward and find that special someone..infact I'm not looking for just anyone anymore..Im looking for a young gentleman that dwells in the lord and also someone I can learn from, understand, laugh with, cry with and all that good stuff...Gosh its so hard!! but I know I'm getting warmer and warmer and warmer :-) hmmm me and my high school sweets are getting close....the one that was crazy over me and the one that I was crazy about...Ive been talking to them, laughing and all that good stuff....hmm idk but I hope something worth it happens and if it doesnt well I guess I would be back to square one...sucky sucky!! but hmm I dont have much to say today! probably tommorow!!

WHY being IDLE is bad ?!!

OMGGGGGG!!!! I think I made a mistake..... (but please dont judge me)

Okay so I got back from a get together early and was sitting down thinking about love and life and what comes with it...BOyz. Can you imagine, I dont talk to any guy on my phone except for vacaboo and family. I went down my fone list and realised I can only text/phone flirt with 3 people on my phone (mind you I dont even want to because they are probably lame). I definately feel like im loosing touch and getting old. I need to find mr. right quickly before I totally loose it.
but anyway so for the mistake.during my bordom thought, I decided to text an old fling of mine, muscle man, who I never call and speak to hi once in a blue moon..agrrrr!!. so we texting, a bit of flirting, but trying to keep it short and sweet. next thing you know he starts telling me how he felt about me, which was fine and nice to hear. I already knew half of it alrready. u know the usual, I have always been attracted to you, I really miss you, all that and a lot more. Anywy the conversation got deeper and next thing you know, we are talking about why we didnt work out. Then I started to think this M**EFFer hurt me menn and I decided to vent it all out via text again. (WHY??!!) then this boi says he doesnt want to talk about it but he really wants to see me and feels theres this attraction burning up between us.then he says he wants to go to bed and would love to continue this convo tomorrow. my reaction after I read that was EWWWWW.. nooooo I dont want to hear that. not good. not good for me atall. but that scumbag. I Wish i never text him. gosh Idleness is a bitchhhhhh!!!!!!!

why do we always do the dumbest thing when we are idle or bored. I need to get a new hobby so everytime im bored I could just go enjoy that. I really wish I didnt text him. but since I did now I have to run..lol... I definately would be igoring this boys fonecalls, text messages, and everthing else. ( I THINK)**

I HATEEEEEE BEING IDDLLEE IT LEADS TO TROUBLE!!!! as we can see

anyway im off to bed got to study for an exam tomorrow.

peaces and love

~GREEN~

There's Gotta Be Somebody!

Oh yea its been awhile, unfortunately I'm still in school so schools been keeping me away from the pc. But yea alot has been goin on and I have so much thoughts going through my head. First of all i wonder why when you like someone and are ready to give your all for him, he isnt ready and he treats you like shit! Then you leave him alone and forget all about you, THEN he comes back and really wants you....really wants you bad, but now your not even interested in him anymore...ODD isnt it? well I had that experience and I really don't know what to do and say, because i really like this Mr. Attractive and he didnt really show like he was interested in me at all, it took me awhile to let go of him though! I went hard for him because I was sooo attracted to him but he wasnt feeling me in any way(thats what i think) but i feel like he entertained me though(like he liked all the attention i was giving him), but as i was saying after awhile I let him go..I am definately no fool!!! But now he thinks it can be the same way it was before, like he wants to be all in my face, all down my throat and all touchy, but Im just not feeling it...awww sucks doesnt it!!! Guys really need to get it toghether, like I definately do not know what was stopping him from gettin with me when he had the chance but now I am on a different perspective I really wish he would get that? But hmm Im sure it would come along with time.... we can still be friends.

Oh wow! Its kind of weird any little thing that happens I feel like Im getting closer and closer to something "REAL"..lol!! Im so corny but yea Ive recently been talking to this guy that use to crush on me in high school, but back then I really didnt care much for him, and now I look at him and I dont know why i didnt like him, because we get along so much and I feel like I can learn from him and yea he is cool, but who knows? I beleieve in fate so much so if its mesant to be Im sure it'll be..and yea theres another guy that i actually use to crush on in high school and he crushed on me for abit, he is also someone that when I converse with I feel like something can happen! but long distance is a killer? but hey we are getting close to graduation so maybe these things can work out! Ive resulted to prayer because i do get loney and tired of talking to my girlfriends sometimes because they are not Gay(thank God) but they just cant give me that comfort I need and i cant yell at them for not calling me to check up on me, you know things like that is only for someone you fancy much *tear*, but Im being hopeful! and another thing is when my friends get a man, they would be too tied up in talking to they man and less time for me *sad face*..but yea Im optimistic :-)

OK! so yea, maybe Im in a relationship and i do not know it! *creepy* there is this other guy that is madly crushing on me right now and its real sad because the feelings are not mutual, I would love to be his friend though!but i do not know how he is going to take it, because honest to God i do give him hints and signals that i amnot interested in being his girlfriend but he always thinks i dont mean what i say and he believes that i like him the same way, Oh my one day he slipped and used tthe word 'love" I was a bit confused, and I addressed the matter as nicely as I possibly could. I'm known to be a heartbreaker and i really do not want to break his heart, because i think my heart has been broken quite a number of times but I would not wish on that type of feeling for anyone! so i am going to try and tell him where my heart is...(nowhere) but i think i just have to let him know that nothing would happen between us.....

Hmmmm...more to come....

LONG DISTANCE.... to be or not to be?!!

So I decided to keep the communication going with vaca boo. At first I thought...who in their right mind talks to someone so far... All the way in a different continent.

I dont know about a lot of people but one thing im not smart with all those miles and km measuring how far>? >>what I do is price the distance of the relationship (last minute prices). I believe you never know how bad you want to see somene until the weekend comes and you miss them and then you just buy that last minute ticket the night before you leave. I have talked to a boy in Atlanta, I called it a $300 dollar realtionship. I called that long till I started talking to vaca boo.

So vaca boo, he is $2000 away from me. so we definately dont have that last minute syndrome kickin in. I aint diddys daughter or the presidents daughter, Im an average working class college lady living in america. And you know that saying college kids are always broke...YOU DAMN RITE!!! after spending $40 every weekend on clubbing, its understandable.

Anyway, we talk almost everyday and I actually think im liking this longdistance thing even more. There are so many positive in long distance, You get to know each other more mentally and not pysically. We talk about everything. I started trusting him because now I even talk without thinking or watching what I say. I love it when I could do that with someone. thats TRUST in my book.

Long distance is Hard because you miss out on all those little important things like Valentines day. It saddens me to think I have to spend it all by myself even though in another country I could have been struck with the cupid arrow...(all inlove). And also you dont feel like you get enough attention. We ladies LOVVVVEEE attention. we all believe "if my man dont give me the attention I need, I might just have to find it somewhere else" believe it or not its true.

Im not in a long distance relationship (YET i guess) but a lot of things scare me about it. If I end up in one, I definately dont wanna get tired or sick of it. I talked to a few people in long distance and they love it. They say they have never cheated (that they know of)and that its all about mutual behavior meaning they both call, they both visit each other, etc. I thot it was cute and in 2009 having a 50 50 relationship is not that bad especially since all we want to sing and chant these days are words like I'M MS. INDEPENDENT.

anyway rapping this up, I really like brandys new song. LONG DIstance is hard but one day you would eventually be together forever.

TIME FOR BED..Muah
xxGREENxx

WHY?

Oh my gosh! Why did I already write a post and it got erased? :-( anyways basically I was wondering WHY?...Why? Why? Why? Why would someone that you thought cared for you so much and told you he loved you, try as much as possible to distant himself from you? Like why would he not call you anymore? why would he go days and weeks with not even trying to see how you are? didnt he say he loved you? and isnt love unconditional? like a "no matter what" kind of feeling? Why do boys lie? because him saying that he loveS not even lovED me doesnt really care like he did before! We barely talk, we text though...do you text someone you love? i am so confused, infact I'm not i just feel so "lied to" and trust me thats the worst feeling, I cry sometimes though! I really wish things didnt have to happen to me like this? I flew all the way to see him and it just felt so different! Why ask me to come see you and then you dont even cherish my appearance? or isit that Im setting my standards high? and I'm expecting to much? WHy? WHy? why? i reallt want to understand , but i guess somethings are just better left unsaid or isit 'unanswered".... Sheesh! I agree with Green, Boys are stupid, stupid in every kind of way!!! they are losers and they suck balls!!! Thank God for good friends or else I would have ran coo-coo!..anyways that was just a tad bit that was on my mind this evening or should I say early morning! Good Night/Good mornin!