hey bloggie! its been awhile!! I have been attempting to write in you! but something always seems to come up! anyways i am goin through a little much. The most important of it all is that my ex" yes I said the "ex word" ohmigosh how i dread to say it, but yea all of a sudden my ex is all over me again, ok its not all of a sudden because we have a connection but we are not acting in it. We or rather I am basically trying to get over him but its the hardest thing in the world. Like how do yiu get over someone thats just there for you whenever you need him? someone that you could run too and would always be there? I dont know!! ive tried so hard but I just always come back to square one. We broke up because I just felt like he didnt appreciate me as much and I also felt like I wasnt being a good girlfriend to him (in the likes of pleasing him in all the ways he desired). But yea, he is going to be away from me for awhile and I am going to miss him dearly! I dont know what to do!! and he wants me to visit him real soon. I am abit hesitant! ohmi daiz! what to do?

and yes Im letting the guys go one by one! I am a little proud of myself! One of my friends that really felt like he was in love with me, just realized that we could never be. And he has accepted it and wants us to be friends, Im so excited about that and relieved, because now I feel like I have soo much off my shoulders because I was trying to let him know in all ways possible that we couldnt be but I wanted to be as nice as possible because I really cherished his friendship. But thank heavens everything is sorted out! We got into a big fight at first before we sorted things out!! But we are both happy now and appreciate each other even more!! Im glad we are on the same page!!!

Yea so my secret which I kinda kissed during my vacation and thought I liked him and all that!! yea him well I guess we are just going to admirer each other from afar and never act on our feelings because amazingly we havnt spoken about the incident that happened between us, while we were drunk! which really sucks but hey! I am nit going to bring it up because I am super shy!! and I know he is shy as well so it just sucks!! I dont really fancy shy guys so he loses mad brownie points for not being the man in th situation and approaching me about what happened!! or youknw what maybe he doesnt feel the way I think he does? who knows?

Ok rememeber the dude that I said use to attend my old school and just out of the blue calls me? yea him! he is such a loser! one day he texts me and wants to start off a fresh slate and I definately give him the opprotunity too and then he promises to call me and I knew he wouldnt and I told him that he wouldnt and he didnt!! it really hurt my feelings because I should have never given him the opportunity to walk back into my life. AHHHH!! boys suck!! and now he hasnt even called or texted me since then! what a loser!!! hmmm on a better note I rememeber tellin you about this guy that fancys me in my school right now, Im letting him go!! yea can I get an "AMen" because I am definately gettin better!!! I read my horoscope today and it said my love life is hopeless so I should just leave it alone for now!! so yes guys!!! I am not sweating a relationship anymore!! I would just wait and see what happens and pray!!!

Well thats a little tit for tat!!! ttyl

What To DO?

hey bloggie!! I've been yearning to write for abit> Anyways this is your "purple" ready to share whats been going on so far. Anyways, Guess what happpend to me...I told you about the whole "cutting down of the dudes I talk to" plan right? yea so as I'm in the process, this guy that I kinda use to talk to a very long time ago, like 2years ago..hollers at me after 2years of not speaking yesterday!! wow!! i was amazed!.. So let me tell you about this guy, he is cute and everything..ok not cute but he has swag and thats cute to me, so yea he was in the previous university I use to attend. So yea, I guess I caught his eye and he wanted to get to know me, he was real sweet and all that good stuff, but he had soo much baggage, I think his ex/girlfriend attended our school at that moment and mind you the reason why he is even in the university he is in is because of her...Since I heard that and I decided to back off him, but he kept tellin me she was an ex and blahblahblah! I entertained him, we didnt get physical but we spent time with each other and walked and talked with each other during the late evenings( I love things like that). So yea, one very night he texted me and told me he didnt want to have anything to do with me and how he wants to stop talkin to me because he is going full time with his ex and blahblahblah! I was like ok, cool! I hadnt caught any full blown feelings for him because I was scared he was just attracted to me physically and not emotionally or mentally..u get my drift?...anyways since then I just cut him off, but then he begged to see me, because I stopped picking up his calls and basically i just stayed out of sight of him, so our paths never met because I felt that he was really rude for texting me that. Anyways I finally gave him the day and time to see me and he explains how his ex girlfrend went through his phone and decided to text me and stuff. I kindof forgave him but i was still skeptical about him because why would his ex have ability to text me all that if they are not together, so I knew something fishy was going on. But I forgave him but kept my distance. Well I decided to leave the school after spending some time there and right before I left I found out that he decided to date one of my friends! No problem because she asked me if I had any feelings for him before she decided to date him, and I told her she was free to talk to him. So after I left they dated and dated and dated!! I had no problem with it, only wondering what he was thinking about trying to talk to me and then going to date my friend! anyways they eventually broke up and he was back to single! i wasnt to worried at that moment again. So low and behold yesterday I get a text and its him. All he could do is apologize and was askking me if we could start all over again and I forgve him and I told him yea...I wonder if I did the right thing? We never really had any ties of being together so I think I made the right choice! :-)

By the way I was sitting down pondering why its so hard to see something good thats right in front of my face!!!! Ive experienced so many difeerent guys and I believe I still havnt seen the one. But comming to think of it, Ive actually had various potentials but I just hapen to be too naive and young to see something good right on top of my nose! doesnt that suck!! I was thinking about this guy that I told you guys before that Im going to only concentrate on and cut all the other guys off, yea I was thinking about him and how he genuily liked me and I just brushed him off all because I felt we didnt have a connection!! :-( but that was back then, now that we talk we have so much to talk about and he is such a gentleman...I never noticed it and mind you we have had so many opportunities to catch up on things! He use to live in the same state as me, we use to go to the same schoola nd he lived right on top of my room!!! like how creepy is that!! and we also went to high school together!! hmmm whats up with that? anyways Im really bad at not getting to know people and I kindof changed my ways and now its stilll bad! because I talk to sooo many guys!! so which do I do..cut them off and not give them a chance, or give them a chance and have so many guys!!! AHHHHH life sucks!!!

Well thats it for now guys!!! Yours truely *Purple*

ALL said and DONE!!!

Hey blog!!! Its been sooooo long! Ive missed you!! Sorry but I was on vacation, and now I'm back and I have a whole lot to tell you!!! I needed a vacation it was well overdue. Green and I decided to take a get away and trust me it was worth it! Anyways, Let me get straight to whats been going on! So yes I met up with my high school crush and it was weird at first, I didnt feel any spark...and that wasnt a problem because trust me I am not trying to force any feelings. But i definately knew there was a connection...There has always been a connection but no need to act on it, cuz unfortunately we are both shy people(which sucks), so we r always waiting for each other to come out first. But yea yea, we hung out with each other and other friends like normal, until this very night!! OMG I was gone, I was drunk and yea twas a night to remmeber..Im real uptight so alcohol kinda lossened me up :-)!! I kinda loved the way it happened!..it happened exactly the way it would in a fairy tale...so I was kind of tired in the club( I was sobering up) so i went to sit down in some secluded place and before I knew it, he was there by my side..I was kind of shocked how he found me and I kept askin him and he kept sayin weird stuff...but yea yea yea...we sat together and I rested my head on his shoulder and before I knew it he kissed me..OH MY GOSH!! I wasnt expecting it!! I was blown for a minute, that I kindof stopped for a minute!! Oh my gosh!! after we did it he was like "this has been long awaiting" since like 9th grade" I thot it was soo sweet and I felt soo good..havnt felt that way in a long time..kissing someone you really and truely care for...felt amazing!! and all he wanted to do was kiss, I kept holding back tho, because I really didnt know what to do...and now that I think about it I should have gone all out!! Opportunity comes once in a lifetime...all I can do is blush blush and blush!!! like wow!! I really shouldnt have kissed him tho because I dont want to start catching feelings!! and he has soo many groupie lover girls..I dont want to be on that band wagon!! gosh Im so torn...and do you know the crazy thing? we have not said anything about that day since that day..was it just a fling or what? a kissing fling to be precise?...but then y did he kiss me? did he have feelings? or am i just taking this too far? hmm I dont know!! but hmm lets wait and see....We finally spoke after like a week!! and he called, because I truely honestly didnt know what to tell him if I was to call..but we spoke and didnt talk about it, we spoke about everything surrounding the trip but not that!! how odd? I gess its going to be our little secret?..

Wow!! another crazy thing happened as well, this dude that swears up and done that he is feeling me, but never acts on it rather go and kick it with my friends! whats up with that? how r you feeling someone but rather kick it with her friends? like its soo crazy!! I'm not feeling him anyway I just hate being lied too, like its just soo silly!! anyways I did stop talkin to him, but then he started complaining that why am i acting weird and stuff, but I just didnt want to have anything to do with him..like I introduced him to one of my friends and they started messing around, and trust me I dont need to be surrounded by characters like that..but anyways he did hook up with my bff during the trip and thats completetly fine with me because hey!! they did like each other at a point in time, but hey dont lie to me, its not necessary!! but yea i dont and havnt spoken to him and I am just fine wwith that...

I spoke to my cousin about the various guys I talk to and stuff like that, and he told me that I should eliminate all of them and stick to one, so I have been thinking hard...and I have the one I want but I dont know if he wants me anymore..I think he does, but nothings assured!! gosh should I just come out and ask him? he calls me "wifey " and things like that but im not too sure, he had the craziest crush on me in high school, but I was too young and naive to realise something good right on the top of my nose..but I just felt like we didnt connect!!! but now I guess we are much older and things have changed!! I really digg him!! dont like him like OMG!! but I see a future with us, because he fufills my criterias for a dude!!! maybe dressing would need a lil work, but apart from that goal oriented, religious and focused!!! but the problem is how am I going to go about this? Questions questions questions? He is single and he did let me know that he was looking for a girl to keep hiim in line...Im soo screwed!! Well I guess I'm just going to pray* and we would see what happens after that!! *super smiley face*.... Well yea thats about it!! I was goin to stick with my kissy face boo(first paragraph) but Im soooo clueless to what he wants? if he even wanats anything you get me?..life sucksss!! answers answers answers!!!!!...

BLAME It on the A-a-a-a-a-Alcohol!!!..

Hey.... was on vacation so I wasnt able to write...sorry!!!

Anyway my vacation was nice. Very relaxing. Then I had to snap back to reality!!! work work work!! SO, I hope everyone had a good Spring Break...

This was Purple's first planned trip.. I have to give it to her... It was fun....!!! BIG UPS!!!lol

Anyway, I have been thinking a lot about vacaboo and I and how this long distance thing is definately not for me. I mean its been 2 and a half months and knowing me, I doubt I would do a year. I dont want to give up on him but it is hard. when I think of the future if this person is capable of spending my life with, I kind of dont see it. Religion is a very big thing to me. I always pictured my family going to church on sundays, hosting fellowships and all that. But if we have different beliefs, who would be my motivator on sundays. I need my back bone to be on the same page as me but I dont see it. I see a religion barrier. But at the same time Im thinking too much. Let me slow my roll.

OKAY I HAVE A CONFESSION!!!!

During my vacation, while intoxicated, I made out with this guy. NO!! not a random but someone I used to talk to like a while back. There was no spark or tension (that i remember). I thnk I passed out in the middle of kissing... thats how wasted I was. it felt kinda wierd the next day when I sobbered up and realised what I did... why? because after I talked to him( a while back), he ended up tryin to talk or talking to my BFF. I dont remember what went down btw them cos I was never into that gist much. I stopped talking to him cos I caught a bigger and better fish (in my eyes at that time) . So i wasnt really bothered about it.. (okay maybe a little at first cos it was kinda wierd). But shit happens and i believe a womans nightmare could be another womans fairytale. Not that he was my nightmare but he could have definately been her fairytale and I wouldnt deprive her of it since she is my BFF.(aint she lucky... how many friends wud think like that...)

Anyway, I felt wierd. SHOULD I BE FEELING THAT WAY ??? thats one question I need an answer to cos I definatley dont know the answer....

Anyway He called me like a few days later but I didnt want to talk about it. As in whatever hapened during vacation stays in the vacation spot. So i kept avoiding the topic. My friends say its bad that i hold it and just let it out BUT NOOOO I dont see the point. I kissed him big deal like we havent kissed before. Its not that big of a deal now is it BLOGVILLE!!!???!!
He is a nice guy and I dont want any awkwardness btw us. PLUS SMALL WORLD he knows vacaboo.... (I smell trouble!!!)..

Thereis a show on VH1 its called Tough Love. it airs on sundays at 10pm eastern time but they repeat alot. Watch IT!!.. it shows the different problems women face and what women do wrong trying to find the right MAN!!.. WATCH IT.. its interesting!!

OKay Im out for now!!!

My moral lesson is no more alcohol cos it makes me do things I might regret
ANd pls pray for me VACABOO must not find out... or back to LONELYDOM..lol

PEACE..

Yours truly,

~GREEN~

SOMEtimes ALL it takes is to HEAR THEM OUT!!!

Okay so in my last post, I wrote about BS and how upset I was with him because he ignored me for reasons untold.
He kept callng me nonstop so I decided to pick up his call and hear what he wanted to say. He wants to talk face to face about the whole situation. Of cos I was with my bitch attitude the whole time, being extra mean to him. (Im a really nice girl) . Anyway I decided to hear him out. U know listen to what he had to say. And I must say he really told me. He gave me a very legit reason as to why he refused to speak with me. To his defence, he said he had to give me time to think about what I wanted and where I was going with my decision. He had a problem with vaca boo. He felt I should not be talking to two people becuase he wouldnt do it. He said its unfair to him and he believes with time I would decide on what I want. He did own up to thinking about me, asking my family about me and recieving my phone calls and messages. I figured vaca boo had to do with it but I didnt think ignoring me made it any better. Anyway After a 2 hour make up session of talking and putting our point accross, I decided to forgive him. Hearing his side of the story definately changed a lot of views on my end. I feel sometimes we just need to hear them out. Lsten to what they have to say without jumpin into conclusions. When they speak and its Bu*SH** , thats when we go into our F**K ni&&a mode. And do what I had originally suggested. Im glad to have my friend back. But please dont get me wrong, what I said in the previous post is all rite. Its just we need to listen to both sides of the story before we come into a conclusion. I hope you understand Be strong always and GIRLS STILL RULE!!! Im ff to bed** GOOD NIGHT** ~GREEN~

GETTING RID OF AINT SHIT BOYz

Hey....

Ive been really busy with school had 2 exams in one week.... had no type of time for blogging...
But guess what IM BACKKKK!!!!

So yea, a lot actually went down this week. where do I start...??!! muscle man wouldn't stop texting me about us having our deep convos...HISS.. I ignored like i said I would.!! yayyy

All this week I have had an episode with ex lovers of mine. Its funny how I could read most guys like a book. Im saying dont they realize we learn from others mistakes... so basically I know what he is up too...

My ohh so sexy BS has ignored me for more than a month now... I basically begged him for us to be friends but nope he wasnt having it. didnt pick up my calls or even reply messages ( a month ago). So I tell myself he aint worth my hassle, pls I cud get anyone I wanted ( not to brag). and YES ladies it was that easy.. I was over him. Didnt call, didnt text, didnt even remember he existed unless someone said sth about him or asked about him. But anyway to cut the story short, this morning I got a text from BS saying Hi hun, hope your okay, hows everything... the first sentence that comes into my mind is FUCKING NIGGA...**witfiles. I get a text message from BS.... ash a long hiss.** I kept the convo short replying with one word. Then Im up at 3am, being bored decides to organize my documents intoking why Im up, what I am doing. and in my mind im like... why do u care now... hmmm this nigga is up to something. So like i did b4 kept it short and simple. then this dude tells me he is going to be in ma city and maybe we could see...

YESs.. I started laffing. I knew it. and once he sed that I said GOOD nite. So the next question is am I going to chill with him when he comes, I thot about it and HELL NO!!!

We ladies need to learn to be strong. Just because he is sexy and hot and I really liked him that doesnt mean I would just forgive him or just let him use me. Please I am way beyond that. What he did is not something worth forgiving. He dead ass play'd me. now he wants to chill. He lost a good friendship and he doesnt even deserve another chance. I dont think he has an explanation for what he did and even if he does I dont want to hear it. This is one guy I spoke to and I never once cheated on him or looked at another guy lustfully. I treated him like he was my boyfriend. I feel he didnt appreciate me, and thats a serious issue if it isnt mutual. But

I LIVE AND I LEARN...

so I have decided even though I need company now because Im bored, my friends boyfriends are around, I would not let my weakness over-power me... I am not going to see him. Im simply going to be very busy and not have time to see him. Thats what he deserves NONE OF MY TIME.. if he really wants to see me he would show it. if not... Dueces!!!

I think I m a strong lady and we ladies dont have to settle for the bullshit some of this guys think they can feed us. We need to start stand tall and take our ground. We deserve better and we definately are not settling for LESS....

I have a vaca coming up so thats something to think about not BS...


GIRLS RULE and boys drool....

singley yours'

~GREEN~

Goddess Of Fierce!

...yes today was the premiere of America's Next Top Model and now I'm the goddess of fierce...lol. Anyways since green has refused to write, I've had alot to vent about, so i decided not to wait for her and just go on writing. Well yea UPDATES: since my last post guess who calls me..yea my ex..its crazy, i think we have this love hate relationship...but nevertheless i do enjoy when he calls and when we have our conversation, because we did start off as friends and i guess that's why it is so hard to just "not talk to him"..you know what he did though..he invited me for a special occasion in his life which would involve me being with his family, i was abit hesitant, but come on' we are friends..and Its only right to be there for your friends when they need you most,right? But yea apart from that life is cool, I feel good and I'm happy!!...THANK GOD!

So yea, yea yea today I was sitting down and wondering does your past have anything to do with where your going?...in the sense that If you've had a bad past like messed around(as a virgin) or slept around(as a non virgin) with alot of guys, should that be a factor for a guy to consider when he wants to date you? well my past isn't really that bad? in fact I think its bad just cause I believe you should be whole and untouched until your marriage day? but hmm in the day and age we live in now, u barely find girls like that, but you can find ladies that are partially in the shape..lol! but yea, I don't know!!! is it a bad thing to be promiscuous? or is it a good thing? Ive seen someone who was not the best of a lady through out her life but now shes a wife..isn't that cool? so when i see that I'm like OK, it's OK to be a Little free?idk..and then i meet guys who mess around and want to get married to a virgin and someone who none of his friends have dated or even tampered with? is that possible?..like ohmigosh! Wat to do?well let me get personal..well I have been with 3 guys officially and the experience has been good and could have been worse...the crazy thing is that I dated these three guys and none them knew each other at that time..but they went to the same elementary school and they got to know each other over time isn't that weird? but yea that's not the point...and as i was saying the in between guys Ive kinda messed with are..2 ohmigosh I thought it was more..but i guess the 2 have been major impacts like i feel bad! and i had sex with none of them..but still i wonder if I meet a guy that is ready to date me all that good stuff would he judge me for my in betweens or would he not even care about my past and just like me for who i am? but yea people would talk, and when they do it affects everything!! and we are only human there is SO much we can tolerate...but guess what if the tables turned and it was the guy that had been with so many girls..its not a problem or a factor to even consider!! isn't that weird? double standard? hmm all these unanswered questions?...HELLLP! help me be a better person for my future man to be..lol!!

*Oh my as I was just typing to you, my lover called, he makes me happy now...and this is very random but he is really cute...sucks tho because i don't think I'm going to see for awhile, but hey i believe something! I believe that if it was meant to be it'll be!!!...lol! the funny thing is that (as i mentioned before) he adored me in high school, but i just didn't give a rats tail about him and now I'm considering! is that because I'm single and just hopeful for anything? idk but i feel something good! like most guys come and go and I don't feel anything but the guys that don't come that often are the ones I feel something for...*life is sooooo awkward* buy lets see what happens yea...I'm just going to go with the flow and keep you posted...so yea as i was saying we talk more often now and i love it and i know he does too because he calls and we have nice long convos..maybe all we needed was to get to know each other..omg! i feel like payton from one tree hill!! and he is lucas..lol! *random* alright back to antm! would talk to you later..

Mending...

Ok wow!! life is sooo complicated!! New month new plans...ok so i was abit sad yesterday while I was writing my previous post and I was heartbroken and just felt all messed up and everything, I felt lied too, and cheated too..anyways when i woke up today guess who called ....yea yea "the ex" like ok..whats this about? he rarely calls you know? but yea he called and when I woke up and saw the call i didnt bother calling back because Im just tired of this forward and backward movement, but yea later in the day he starts to text and I replied because he asked me if I had seen his call..but yea, i replied him and then I dont know what pushes me but I ask him about ever cheating on me during our relationship and he says "no" and all that good stuff...(OH NO I didnt get excited) but i felt a little better, (NO I DONT THINK WE ARE GETTING BACK TOGETHER)..lol! but I just dont feel lied too and all that..I have a very forgiving soul its crazy! if you do me wrong its hard for me to keep it against you..I try too, but I just cant keep a grudge(kinda good kinda bad)..but yea thats that! but you know what I dislike? why does he come in and out? like OMG!! you know what Im planning on doing? Im planning on changing my phone number..because i think that would be the beginning of a new start, Im tired of all this old baggage!! so if i change my number the only people that would be calling me are the people I want, and the others would just have to live without me, and I also want to get off facebook and stay fully focussed on my blog and my blackberry? what do you think? its pretty drastic but yea I'm thinking about dooing that....I need to drop all this baggage!!

So yea, I was wondering today....Im looking for this perfect guy..am I the perfect girl? I really dont't know? Im not perfect but I'm close to it!! Its crazy but its true...whenever Im in a relationship I give it my all!! Im always in it to win it....thats why I really havnt had that many boyfriends because I only want to be with you if it is real..but yea Im still single...y? because, because, because!!! because of sex! :-( so am i really a good girlfriend if I remain to be a virgin? am i really giving him my all? alot of people say no! alot of people say yes...I heard that I dont fully trust my boyfriend if i havnthad sex with him because sex creates this bond! this unexplainable bond and blahblahblah!! but i dont know about all that because alot of people have sex and still dont have this everlasting relationship with their boyfriends..and truthfully! im so scared of just losing my virginity to anyone and then he treats me bad! I would literally kill mysself because I really dont like pain! I cant take it that well and just knowing the one and only thing I posses and decided to give out leaves me in a bad situation would really kill me...so thats why from a young age I just decided to keep it until marriage but wow!! its hard, because sometimes I think I've met mr. right! ok only once I though I met mr. right! but then he ended up leaving me because I refused to have sex..infact it happend twice :-(!! does that mean it wasnt meant to be? im so confused but i really wish I would meet that someone oneday that is really ready togo at my pace..and wait for as long as I'm ready!!(someone I like) because I do meet guys that are willing to wait but Im just not attracted to them..so yea thats a little bit that was on my mind!!! ..off to study ...

Defining my IDEAL MR. RigHT!!!!!

okay after reading what *PURPLE* wrote It got me thinking what is my ideal man.. MY "MR. RIGHT"... If God asked me what are some things you want your man to be cos he is creating that perfect man for you...what would you say??!!

well this is mine......
HE,....
- MUST BE GOD FEARING... a strong believer of GOD!!
-must first and foremost treats his mother with RESPECT!!!!!
- must be honest.... this leads to trust and trust is very essential in a relationship
-must be a good communicator.. must be able to approach me about anything and talk to me about everything
-must have a good sense of humor.. i love to laugh...if he could make me laugh.he is in!!
-is someone that shows the beauty from the inside
- is someone whom loves to share time and dreams.. i love to hear stories
- is someone that is full of life and love the little things in life
. - is Someone who will not only talk to me but listen as well.
-is someone whom is full of passion both for life and me
-is someone whom still believe in fairy tales when it comes to romance
-knows he can be strong when need be and not easy to anger
- can handle his self in a fight and wont get upset when i take off my heels to help
- is someone that accepts people for whom they are not what they have or what they look like -has his own job with his own money and knows how to take care of himself
- is not secretive or selfish. this leads to CHEATING... i hateeee HATTTEEE cheaters
- is Not demanding.
- never forgets my birthday and is generous with gifts. hmm hmm
- doesn't flirt with other women 'n doesn't take me for granted
- He is loyal, faithful and sincere. DOESn'T CHEAT
- has a good taste for fashion
- knows when to comfort...very important
- loves too eat because i do and would later push me to go work out in the gym with him
- knows when to cuddle..very essential
-not one to argue..i hate arguing

Okay I know. I would wait forever to find someone this perfect (eg: like the picture below) .


But you know out of your list you should be able to accept someone with at least more than half of the qualities. Doesn't have to be everything. You can work into fixing him to be your ideal man. Dont settle.. if you cant handle a flaws he has. dont hesitate to push him to the LEFT... and go digging for GOLD!!...
I always judge according to my list if I access him after the 90 day trial and he doesnt fulfill at least half of these requirements. then he aint for me!!!.. I want someone CLOSE to MY MR. PERFECT!!!..

by the way I just had a very *not so good* exam and stayed up all night. so now at 10:55am I am heading to bed.

SEE you again shortly...

x0x0
~GREEN~

.............

Hey!!Im feeling too good today! I dont know why? But Im soo glad! I woke up and went to Church and it was sooo good!!! you know I like boys so I saw alot of boys! not just regular boys but God fearing ones!! soo nice and so good!!! but yes I loved the church and my day!! but besides that my weekend was good alot of weird things occured! but nothing i could not control!!!

Ok I have decided I am not going to complain and be wanting a dude!! Im just going to pray for one and until then I am going to be single and satisfied...OMG did I tell youabout what I heard my ex has been doing? well I guess he has moved on without me *partially sad face* but yea, all in all I think it is over between us infact it is. But the only thing I dont understand is why would you use the word "love" and not act on it? like when you say you "love" someone your not meant to hurt them in anyway possible..but I guess I was lied too once again*teary eyes* but hey "you live and you learn" its just so painful to know that ok my ex is trying to hola at a distant friend or that he is just doing some unnecessary mess..but hey! I guess I'll get over it!!..Im getting there but im taking baby steps...hopefully God will give me the strength to get over him completely!

And on the brighter side I think I need to get rid of all these sidekicks, because maybe they are the reason why I cant move forward and find that special someone..infact I'm not looking for just anyone anymore..Im looking for a young gentleman that dwells in the lord and also someone I can learn from, understand, laugh with, cry with and all that good stuff...Gosh its so hard!! but I know I'm getting warmer and warmer and warmer :-) hmmm me and my high school sweets are getting close....the one that was crazy over me and the one that I was crazy about...Ive been talking to them, laughing and all that good stuff....hmm idk but I hope something worth it happens and if it doesnt well I guess I would be back to square one...sucky sucky!! but hmm I dont have much to say today! probably tommorow!!

WHY being IDLE is bad ?!!

OMGGGGGG!!!! I think I made a mistake..... (but please dont judge me)

Okay so I got back from a get together early and was sitting down thinking about love and life and what comes with it...BOyz. Can you imagine, I dont talk to any guy on my phone except for vacaboo and family. I went down my fone list and realised I can only text/phone flirt with 3 people on my phone (mind you I dont even want to because they are probably lame). I definately feel like im loosing touch and getting old. I need to find mr. right quickly before I totally loose it.
but anyway so for the mistake.during my bordom thought, I decided to text an old fling of mine, muscle man, who I never call and speak to hi once in a blue moon..agrrrr!!. so we texting, a bit of flirting, but trying to keep it short and sweet. next thing you know he starts telling me how he felt about me, which was fine and nice to hear. I already knew half of it alrready. u know the usual, I have always been attracted to you, I really miss you, all that and a lot more. Anywy the conversation got deeper and next thing you know, we are talking about why we didnt work out. Then I started to think this M**EFFer hurt me menn and I decided to vent it all out via text again. (WHY??!!) then this boi says he doesnt want to talk about it but he really wants to see me and feels theres this attraction burning up between us.then he says he wants to go to bed and would love to continue this convo tomorrow. my reaction after I read that was EWWWWW.. nooooo I dont want to hear that. not good. not good for me atall. but that scumbag. I Wish i never text him. gosh Idleness is a bitchhhhhh!!!!!!!

why do we always do the dumbest thing when we are idle or bored. I need to get a new hobby so everytime im bored I could just go enjoy that. I really wish I didnt text him. but since I did now I have to run..lol... I definately would be igoring this boys fonecalls, text messages, and everthing else. ( I THINK)**

I HATEEEEEE BEING IDDLLEE IT LEADS TO TROUBLE!!!! as we can see

anyway im off to bed got to study for an exam tomorrow.

peaces and love

~GREEN~